Sky
by Mai Kurosaki
Summary: After the Winter War, Shuuhei is hurt and confused, but when Kazeshini finally lends him a helping hand, not only does he start to see his life differently, but he also  gets what he has always wanted: his childhood idol, Kensei Muguruma.


**Disclaimer**: Kubo Tite owns _Bleach_, I own nothing, and this is definitely for entertainment purposes only.

**Sky**

When everything is over, when Aizen is finally dead and the war ends, Hisagi Shuuhei does not breathe easily. His chest still feels constricted and the women and men under his command look at him as if he is a hero and their sole hope for better times. The image of the division is tainted with doubts and disappointment and in spite of the fact that it was Shuuhei who gave Tousen the final blow, he still feels the bitter taste of revenge. It tastes like blood and gut-wrenching certainty that nothing is ever going to be the same again.

He killed his captain, the second hero that he had in his life, and the first hero is alive and well, one of the powerful Visoreds that have helped during the last moments of the battle. Shuuhei closes his eyes for a brief second to lock away the image of the former white-haired captain. Even now, he looks bigger than life, a titan in the sky and Shuuhei's eyes despaired for one brief moment that he won't get the chance to meet him if he dies like this. He stays in that bubble that Kira created to help healing them, looking at that man in the sky and wishing with all his might to be there and touch him. For he is _alive_.

When he was finally introduced to him, the older man barely grunted in recognition and then moved back to his people. Shuuhei presumes that Kensei Muguruma does not want to deal with a vice-captain that has let his captain betray Soul Society, that he does not want to deal with Shuuhei's failures at all. Not that he blames him for that. Honestly, if someone asked him the truth, he would say that he feels like crying. Far too many people look at him with hope in their eyes. He needs to protect so many from the disappointment that bites deep within his bones now. He needs to make sure that at least his people won't see the failure that he is, won't see that he is barely holding them together anymore.

"Are we done?" He asks quietly the fourth division member and the girl blushes prettily at him, before she shakes her head.

"I think you should stay a little-"

"I think we are done." He interrupts her rudely and her eyes widen in shock, but she almost instantly stops from healing him. Shuuhei gets up and looks around at his men. He can't stand to be anymore in this world. He _must_ leave immediately.

"Let's get back to Soul Society." He orders and they nod gratefully for his command. They have witnessed his battle, he has gained their respect again, but Shuuhei feels like he has disappointed them.

Truth be told, Shuuhei has thought, more than once, that he is a failure. He failed to protect his friends, back in his childhood; if it weren't for Kensei and his men, they most likely would have died there. He has failed to enter the Shinigami Academy two times. He has failed to protect his friends during the training. He has failed to reach a true understanding with his sword. Failure has grabbed him by the heart and has not let him one bit.

Once they reach the ninth quarters, he gives order after order, he works with his men, he changes again the organization, and he puts even more hours until he finally collapses under the weight of so many wounds and exhaustion. He crashes in his futon, unable to sleep and suddenly hot tears run down his face.

Kensei didn't recognize him. _He didn't_. Wildly he has always hoped that maybe one day he would get to meet the man again. He marked himself as belonging to him because Hisagi Shuuhei has never belonged to anybody but for once in his life he did wanted that. He knew that the white-haired captain won't remember him as a child so the decision to get a tattoo with '69' on his cheek has been taken easily. Shuuhei muffles his sobs into his pillow. However, it hasn't been enough. _He_ has never been enough.

_Stop whining like the bitch that you are_. He hears his zanpaktou screaming at him in the most annoyed tone that he could have probably mustered. _You are giving me a headache. So what if he didn't recognize you? In that fucking chaos, do you think there was time for such a thing as remembering the past?_

"You don't understand." He growls, staring at the ceiling.

_Of course I understand, you moron. Do not think I don't remember how you constantly think of him. What would captain Muguruma do? Did he really die? Maybe I could be just as great as he could. _His zanpaktou mocks him._ Kami, be merciful. Just shut up already. It was bound to happen. In case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly that kid he has saved anymore._

"Just shut up already, will you?" Shuuhei sighs. "Just leave me alone for one moment."

_Wish I could do that, but unfortunately, I can't exactly turn you off, can I? I am a part of you, a part that you won't ever recognize. What is it that truly frightens you, Hisagi Shuuhei about me? _Kazeshini's voice sounds pitifully wistful and Shuuhei is so damn tired of running away from this discussion. He sighs again, that claw still clenching at his very core.

"You're made for killing. You're meant to reap."

_Isn't this the ultimate duty of a shinigami?_ Kazeshini answers a little shocked that Shuuhei is willing to discuss with him.

"What do you mean?"

_You constantly think that you are meant to protect your people, you are meant to be their savior, but isn't a shinigami's duty to take a life ultimately? You are constantly afraid of me and yes, I will be the first to admit that you need to be afraid of me. My power is deep. Nevertheless, you forget, Hisagi, that my power is your power too, that without you I cease to exist, there wouldn't be any purpose left for me. You care about the others, and I get it, I truly do, but fuck it, I care foremost about you._

The declaration leaves him stunned. There is silence engulfing them both as Kazeshini materializes in his room. His black face is twisted in a rather strange combination of compassion and affection and annoyance, and if Shuuhei wouldn't feel so broken, he would most certainly laugh a little.

"I can't do this in here." He finally says in a quiet tone the way he always does when something like this happens. "Let's go outside."

His zanpaktou nods, without saying another word and Shuuhei is slipping back in his shinigami uniform and then goes outside. His zanpaktou waits for him on the roof of his quarters, staring peacefully at the sky full of stars above them. Shuuhei is too strung out right now and one wrong word or one wrong move might be the death of him, and this discussion is by far the worst idea ever, but he knows without a doubt that if he misses this chance, there won't be another one ever again. He finally sits next to Kazeshini who doesn't take his eyes from the sky.

"I hated you for so long." His zanpaktou admits in the smallest of whispers. "I hated you so much."

"Why?"

"You have denied me time and time again. _No_ has been your answer for me from the very beginning. _You can't be my sword. Never._ Yet here I was, twisted by your very soul but ready to protect you, to serve you. I was confused at first and then I started to hate you. You would never set me free, always kept me in the lowest of the lowest forms, bound never to be free. I still resent you for this."

"But you don't hate me anymore." It is a simple statement, and their eyes finally meet. Kazeshini is even more terrifying in the light of the stars.

"Nope, but I am tired, Hisagi Shuuhei to be denied again and again. Some day, if you continue like this, I won't be able to hear your call anymore. I will be trapped inside your inner world, waiting for your damn call, that won't ever come. And I will wither away and die, long after you will probably die too."

"Can this truly happen?" Shuuhei is shaken beyond any words and Kazeshini snorts derisively.

"Of course. You deny me far too often. If there is no bond between us, how do you think I can hear you calling me?"

"I don't want to lose you." Shuuhei admits abruptly. Kazeshini's eyes become softer.

"I have never thought that. Let me in, kid. It is time. We fought about this for over fifty years now. Don't you think it's time for you to evolve?"

"Evolve?"

"Hisagi, you could have reached Bankai by the time you joined the ninth division if only you would have listened to me the way you're doing it now."

"Bankai?"

"Of course, you moron. No offence, but you sometimes are really slow on the uptake. You let the others take everything from you. Why not for once doing something for you too?" Kazeshini looks at him thoughtful for a moment, then tentatively reaches for Hisagi's shoulder, and puts his hand on it. "I will kill you if you ever mention this chick moment, but here's my true opinion about all of this mess, Hisagi Shuuhei." The zanpaktou inhales deeply and then looks seriously at him. "You are meant to protect everyone because this is your nature. However, what probably this war taught you is that sometimes people need protection against themselves too. I am ugly, bloody, and damn horrible when I want to be, but my power is great. I am born to protect from your smoldering desire to protect others, from your fierce loyalty and from your uncanny soul. I am yours and I will do whatever you want me to do. Deny me no more. I am _your_ zanpaktou. I will never betray you and at the end of your days, I will stay right besides you and we will disappear together into the oblivion for you are my master and my master only. And in this world, nothing else will ever matter to me except you."

Kazeshini takes his hand away, letting Shuuhei think about what just happened. They both turn their eyes over the sky and if Shuuhei's vision is a little blurry, nobody says anything. They stare long and hard, the stars impenetrable and yet, for the first time he is at last able to breathe properly.

"I need training." He finally says.

"You will need so much training that your muscles will burn with exhaustion and your bones will grind against each other just so they can escape your body. But my true form will be worth it."

"Then so be it."

"But I need you to keep your head clear." Kazeshini mumbles. "No more white haired captains in your mind and their opinion about you. Allow your body to have a break; for the rest of the week, organize everything so that you will have time to train with me."

"I will."

Another moment of silence.

"It's good to finally feel you," a smile plays of his hideous lips, "_master_." Kazeshini disappears abruptly, leaving Shuuhei there on the roof, staring at the sky and smiling through tears.

He makes good of his promise. For the rest of the week, he digs a hole inside his brain and soul and buries the memory of the man whom he idolized. He keeps his mind clear and there is definite serenity, which has never been there before and to which people start to react. There is a new harmony between him and his men, and they all look at him with smiles on their faces, ready to do anything he says. He is informed that he will continue to act as a captain until a man will be found for the position. He knows without any false modesty, that his men won't accept that. They shared too much and shed too much blood together. It warms him just a little bit.

He finds out that the Visoreds have received permission for free passage between the worlds, for Soul Society still can't figure out how to apologize to them. Some of them even took their own responsibilities back. Shinji and an annoying blond girl take over the fifth division. Hinamori hasn't been herself ever since the war and declined the offer to lead the division. Kira takes over the third as well, some other Visoreds help him, and he seems to be fine. Everyone in fact seems to be fine and that for him is more than enough.

Then he begins his training and nothing else matters, for a while at least

Until one morning.

"Lieutenant, one of the Visoreds would like to speak with you." His third seat announces and Hisagi raises one eyebrow in question. His third seat looks positively drowned in admiration. "It's the former captain, Kensei Muguruma."

Hisagi's fingers freeze on the papers he was reviewing before he sent them back to the new Chamber 46.

"Send him in." He mutters and thinks he should adjust his uniform or something. Moreover, he feels almost instantly guilty for sitting in the captain's chair. He hasn't earned that right yet.

_Shut up and calm the fuck down_. Kazeshini hisses. _You are worse than a human fangirl_.

"You shut up!"

_Yeah, really nice comeback there, tattoo boy._

This easy camaraderie with Kazeshini is sometimes alarming, but Shuuhei forgets about it almost instantly the moment the white haired Vizard comes in. Shuuhei finds himself swallowing hard and looks at Kensei Muguruma with the same reverence. The man is dressed in some cargo pants and a dark t-shirt, which shows his muscles almost in an indecent way. His white hair is now cut really short and for a brief moment, Hisagi's fingers twitch with the need to brush his fingers through it.

The older man doesn't look at him at the beginning. His eyes inspect the office, probably thinking about the differences between his time and now. Truthfully, Shuuhei hasn't changed anything, keeping it the way captain Tousen left it and even the former captain hasn't changed it much, always maintaining it impersonal.

"Captain Muguruma, how can I help you?"

His eyes look instantly at him as if startled and widen briefly when they take Shuuhei's form.

"I am no longer a captain. I haven't been one in a very long time." Kensei grumbles and he opens a little bit his mouth as if he would add something else, but then stops.

"You will always be a captain of the ninth division." Shuuhei says, feeling his face heat and cursing his fair complexion.

"Just call me Kensei, kid. I have never been one for pleasantries and I won't start now." Shuuhei looks horrified at him, as if Kensei just asked him to commit a capital sin and he is about to say that but then he stops. The man doesn't look in a disposition to like shallow words so he settles for a middle ground.

"Very well, Muguruma-san. How can I help you?"

"I was wondering if you would mind me dropping here from time to time? Mashiro will accompany me too." The man looks like he is ready to hear a refusal and Shuuhei secretly feels glad to destroy these assumptions.

"My men and I will be most honored, Muguruma-san. You and Mashiro-san will be most welcomed."

"Really? Interesting. That damn blond bastard was right." The white haired man mutters and then, when he notices that Shuuhei keeps staring at him, he straightens. "Very well then."

He is about to leave and Shuuhei feels his stomach churning. He should find another topic of conversation quickly.

_I thought that no more white haired captains were in order_, he hears Kazeshini murmuring in his mind, but the zanpaktou doesn't sound really annoyed by the idea and as a result before Shuuhei can contain himself, he blurts the first thing that comes to his mind:

"So how long are you planning to stay around here, captain?"

Kensei startles but he returns to his cool demeanor and almost plops on the chair in front of Shuuhei's desk. The gesture is familiar enough to make Shuuhei think that Kensei is not upset with him.

"I said I am not a captain anymore."

"And I said I can't stop looking at you like that."

"You're the captain now." The man nods towards the papers in front of Shuuhei, all of them dealing with the different problems that any division in the Gotei 13 has. "And the men seem to think so too."

"I can't possibly think that I am worthy of that honor." Shuuhei blushes heavily under the scrutiny.

"The three scars… why didn't you let them heal them for you?" The captain asks bluntly and Shuuhei feels like dying a little. Unconsciously he puts his hand on them rubbing them gently.

"It's a reminder of how I failed and how I shouldn't anymore." He whispers with a chocked voice because his fierce exterior keeps all people at bay and they do not dare to ask where did he get them, and the ones that do know where they come from are too afraid to bring up the topic. "I lost my first friends because I wasn't strong enough."

The white haired captain keeps a sharp eye on him as if he is judging him and sentencing him at the same time, but there is no condemnation in those mesmerizing eyes.

"And the tattoo?" The older man continues his interrogation and Shuuhei absolutely refuses to admit later on that he almost gasped like a little girl. However, he also refuses to be that weak child who Kensei Muguruma saved back then.

"I thought you would recognize your mark, captain." He says decisively and it is Kensei's turn to look sharply at him, burning him inside and out as if he wants to know what has been hidden in Shuuhei's soul all this time.

_You got balls, kid. I must admit that_. Kazeshini snickers and a wave of contentment settles in his belly. Somehow, the zanpaktou's approval warms him even more.

"My mark?"

"Yes, '6' from the way your name is spelled, captain Muguruma; and '9' from the ninth division, the two things that have saved my pathetic life." Shuuhei smiles self-depreciatively. "I know that you can't remember that time in the woods when you saved a kid, right before you and your men disappeared, but I kept on remembering, captain. I was proud to have encountered such a powerful and honorable man such as yourself and I wanted to take upon your mark once I found out that you were dead. Well, presumably dead."

"Damn, kid." Kensei seems rather surprised by Shuuhei's admittance but now that the young man has started, he feels like he can't stop himself. His skin crawls with the desire to admit everything now, while he can still muster enough courage for that.

"You have marked my life, captain, in ways you can't possibly imagine. Because of you, I have joined the Shinigami Academy. Because of you, I wanted to be the best and I strived so much. I have always felt that my place is in the ninth division and I haven't left it since the moment I joined it after the Academy. I owe everything to you so the least I could do was to wear your mark in your honor."

"Stop it, kid, just fucking stop!" The man yells at him and Shuuhei's smile disappears in entirely in just a second. "You owe me nothing, you got that? So big deal, I saved your life back then. But everything that you have achieved up to this point is your goddamn work, so don't throw your merits so easily." The captain gets up, looking really troubled. "Look, Mashiro and I just wanted to visit the barracks every once in a while and maybe train with the men if you allow us."

"Sure." Shuuhei mumbles because he is unable to understand what has just happened. The white haired captain seems like he is about to burst from his skin and his reiatsu sparks dangerously. Shuuhei feels cold sweat running down his spine because he remembers Kensei's fearsome hallow form and he knows without a doubt that he won't be able to do anything against this man.

"Ok, then. See you around."

Kensei gets out of the office before Shuuhei can say anything else. The young man looks at the chair as if it has been hit by lightening and everything around him got destroyed except for that damn chair.

"What the fuck just happened?" He allows himself to swear because honestly Kensei Muguruma is too damn different from what he imagined.

_Awww, I think he likes you._ Kazeshini snickers again.

"Yeah, very smart. Well done with that." Shuuhei scoffs because he can still feel the captain's eyes on him and those were not the eyes of a person desiring the other. It is not as he has any complexes about the way he looks, because Rangiku has told him plenty of times that he is handsome, enough to believe her. It is just that what is inside of him makes him hide from the others.

_Don't start with me again, kid, or I will fucking punch you in the face in our next training session._ Kazeshini hisses, and Shuuhei shudders.

After a couple of sleepless nights and just tossing and turning, Hisagi decides that the best thing would be just to damn ignore everything regarding captain Kensei Muguruma. So what every time he spots some white hair, his heart stutters in his chest? So what every time sees that Mashiro woman, he looks wildly around, hoping to get a glimpse of that man? It is nothing, he repeats himself as he gets drunk with Kira, Rangiku and Renji. It is nothing, he repeats himself as he struggles to keep his mind clear to reach Bankai in the gruesome sessions that Kazeshini prepares for him. And the more he repeats himself that, the less he believes it.

After another week of moping around, Kazeshini just about had it with him.

_Just fucking admit it that you idolized your man so much that at a certain point in your life no one could compete with him anymore._ Kazeshini huffs one morning when Shuuhei's mind is clouded with the wild dreams he had the previous night and he can't keep his mind clear enough to continue training. _You are even more attracted to him now that you have seen him in person and he looks hot, in your humble opinion, and you would do him in every possible way._

"Will you stop with your crude jokes?" Shuuhei blushes like a damn virgin, still panting harshly.

"Have you started to talk to yourself, kid? Not a good sign."

Shuuhei's head snaps so hard that he fears he might have broken his own neck.

"Captain! What are you doing here?" He does not squeak. No damn way.

"I sensed some intense training here and came to see what was happening." Kensei looks friendly enough at him that Shuuhei allows himself a little smile.

"Yeah, I was training trying to attain Bankai. As you can see, it doesn't work very well."

"I heard that your yielding of the sword is quite admirable." Shuuhei blushes under the weight of the compliment. "Care to show me some moves?"

"It would be honor."

"Honestly, kid, you think too highly of me." Kensei mumbles as if he is embarrassed. "Now prepare yourself. I won't spare you if you're weak. My division needs a good strong man, capable of Bankai."

Shuuhei doesn't mention Kensei's slip. He just gets up and gets ready for attack, Kazeshini humming pleasantly in his hands. It is the first fight in many others. At the beginning, it is just Kensei popping randomly, sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by Mashiro, who always falls suspiciously silent when it comes to their training. Then they start to share their meals and sometimes Shuuhei asks for Kensei's advice. The older man seems happy enough to help him out and Shuuhei basks him even more in his unyielding admiration, then friendship. Moreover, when the friendship turns into love, Shuuhei continues to see the man, taking everything Kensei is ready to give him. The former captain of the ninth division appears to like him quite a lot and his effect on Shuuhei becomes visible enough to everyone in Soul Society who has eyes.

Shuuhei has never had anyone to see him just the way he is and still be appreciated for both his short-comings or even better, especially for them. Kensei sometimes laughs at Shuuhei and at his seriousness with which he treats every mundane task, even running the Soul Society's newspaper. However, secretly the older man helps him and encourages him, praising him, and comforting him and Shuuhei is just about content to live like this for the rest of his life. Even Rangiku stops him after a lieutenants' meeting and smiles at him, motherly caressing his cheek and saying softly:

"You've changed. You smile more often now. I can't wait to hear your laugh again." And when he tries to say something, she gently puts her hand on his lips. "Don't deny it, Shuu. He is so good for you. You shouldn't deny him."

So, Shuuhei doesn't.

And when he finally achieves Bankai panting crazily and seeing red, ready to defend Soul Society all by himself, it's no wonder that the older man is there for him. The looks at each other, covered in sweat and blood and sand and Shuuhei feels like collapsing but the smile stretches on Kensei's face so wide that it turns into the most beautiful grin he has ever seen. And he wants to taste it so badly that he might drown in it. They settle quietly by each other's side, pressed against each other, burning with each other's heat.

Kensei looks at him in wonder and Shuuhei smiles at him; he is so stupidly happy.

"You can become a captain now."

"I still need recommendations and-"

"Kid, people will stumble over themselves to give you recommendations. Shinji kept asking me if you achieved it. Hell, I think the whole Gotei 13 was cheering for you, waiting for your Bankai."

Shuuhei blushes heavily again, not ready to believe that he is so much appreciated. As if he is reading his mind, Kensei slowly reaches for Shuuhei and slowly lets his fingers sink in Shuuhei's spiky hair. Everything stops abruptly and the young man feels like his ears are stuffed with cotton. Nothing exists in that moment except for him and Kensei. His eyes widen in shock but he does not protest. Kazeshini is suspiciously silent, but there is little air between them and the captain does not seem to regret his gesture.

Shuuhei closes his eyes in pleasure and Kensei lets his hand glide through the spiky hair, getting a little closer, enough for his breath to caress the young man's face.

Shuuhei is finally relaxed, his chapped lips opened, in such a sensual invitation in its innocence that Kensei can't resist. He stops his caressing, his hand resting on the lieutenant's nape and Shuuhei hears him catching his breath before Kensei's lips finally settle on Shuuhei's. Astonishment makes Shuuhei's eyes flutter, but they remain close, dark eyelashes sweeping his cheeks. Kensei presses his lips against Shuuhei's in a loving tenderness, as if trying out something. But then, seeing as Shuuhei doesn't reject him or hesitate, Kensei begins to coax his mouth open through soothing little licks and nips. Before he knows it, Shuuhei opens his mouth just a little, Kensei seizes the moment, and his tongue delves into Shuuhei's welcoming mouth. The heat of the kiss is almost unbearable, because it is passionate and burning with their pent up emotions. They are both men starved for love, starved to touch and to be touched and Shuuhei moans shamelessly under the pleasure of it.

The searing kiss leaves them panting and hungry for more. It speaks volumes about the attraction between them, an attraction they don't bother to hide anymore.

"Come with me." Kensei whispers and Shuuhei finally dares to open his eyes, looking directly into the eyes of the man he has worshipped all his life. There are emotions that have never been directed to him: love, lust, affection. Everything he ever wanted. All he has to do is take it.

"Anywhere."

The older man laughs out loud and helps Shuuhei get up. The young man slowly puts his hand on the other man's heart, feeling his steady beat under his palms.

"For what is worth, it will forever be yours."

Shuuhei's eyes get blurry, but he fallows the captain without saying anything else, waiting for different marks this time. These marks will speak more about love and passion than about ownership.

A month later, when Shuuhei is instated as a captain of the ninth division, without any regard for proper etiquette, he flings himself into Kensei's awaiting arms, the older man laughing so hard. And sun is shining, the sky is blue and Shuuhei thinks that this is it. He is finally home. For once just being himself is enough.


End file.
